I don't know what to say about my life anymore. I'm happy. Things are going well. But I feel like my friendships are suffering. I don't know whether that means I need to change my life (again) or whether I need new friends.

Communication

Talking about the problem is much healthier than not talking about it. The drama is always much less.

I hate you.

Balance

All I really want is balance. I hate being in uneven relationships. To me, a friendship can't be satisfying unless it's balanced. Both parties trust and share in equal parts. No lying, no hiding, no holding out. No one person putting in all the effort and the other saying "I can't do it." No one person insisting the other stop being neurotic and then going off on his own neuroses. 

I want to continue being your friend and keep the level of intimacy we've had but you're making it awfully hard, the way you shut me out.

Deep Breaths

Well, I took the plunge tonight. Finding that I won't be able to attend a book reading by my favorite author this Saturday, I decided to take a real step towards making my life go in the direction I want it to go...I signed up for a workshop with her next month. Now I have a month to write something real, and to work up the nerve to show it in public. And not just in public...to my idol. My IDOL. It would be like having to play a scene in front of Marlon Brando. 

So I'm taking a lot of deep breaths, and starting to write. 

Independence

My life is a lot better when nobody tells me how to run it.